Friday, August 21, 2009

German Porcelain

...no, we're not talking about fine china here - we're talking about industrial porcelain!  One would expect to come across ordinary things that seem a bit odd when moving to a different country.  I must say that I was completely surprised when I came across these urinals in the school that I teach at.  While American urinals are usually decorated with pink "urinal cakes" with a scent strong enough to burn your eyes or rubbery pads to keep large solid objects out, the Germans seem to have come up with a more entertaining option.
 I'm not exactly sure of the rules just yet, but if you can come up with some I'd love to hear your suggestions.  There is a small plastic ball that dangles by a thin wire so that your stream can push it in the goal numerous times.  
This also seems a bit tidier than the game that elementary kids at my step mom's old school made up called "High Score".  In that game American kids stood back from the urinal a few feet, got a stream going, and tried to see how many of their friends could run under the stream before the bladder expired.  "High Score" was the answer to why students were returning to class smelling like urine.
 
Another pinnacle of German engineering lies in the design of their common toilet.  At a quick glance it may seem like an ordinary toilet, but once you drop your first turd in that bad boy you quickly realize that this is no ordinary toilet.  You see, directly under the bunghole they have strategically placed a shelf that is nearly completely out of the water.  That means it instantly reaks as if you just dropped a turd on the ground next to you.  Thinking about a courtesy flush then?  Think again!  For when the toilet is flushed a rush of water comes straight onto the platform, pushing the turd down into the water and out into the plumbing.  The rush of water is close enough and powerful enough to give you an enema.  I have never been more aware of the smell of my crap then I have in the last two weeks - except for the last time I was in Germany that is.  Lastly, while the plumbing is strong enough to handle the toilet paper, the paper has the consistency of paper towels.  I'm gonna have a calloused rear that will be ready for any pansy camping trip in the States.  Til next time.... Justin.

 
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